Starting All Over

I picked up a package of baby arugula the other day and decided to cook it up with some mushrooms and some of my homemade italian dressing. It turned out pretty good. I fixed the entire container of both arugula and mushrooms and ended up eating every bit for lunch.

This endometriosis friendly food stuff is getting easier and easier. Seriously, I had pizza a month ago and a piece of cake and ice cream about two weeks ago. That is all the processed foods I've had. Oh wait, I take that back. I have had two glasses of dark chocolate silk almond milk over the last two days. It has more sugar than I need, but it's gluten and dairy free :)

About two days ago I had take out food for the second time this month. For me, that's good. I had a veggie burrito from Qudoba at some point this month. I guess you caught me in a lie about no other processed foods. Anywho, I had a veggie salad from Subway and although it was good, it cost $6! Seems like a lot for  a salad. I could have bought all the stuff for it and made several salads with that.

I completed my dietbet today and have already gotten back my response verifying me as an official winner! Yay! I've lost a total of 36 pounds from my highest weight. I have a lot more to go, but I'll get there eventually.

TTC News:

I wish I didn't have to say that I'm back at the beginning of another cycle, but I have no other choice. Today is cd 3. I never did really get an answer about our health insurance. HR got this response from one of the managers from Cigna which said...

"Diagnosis and treatment of the underlying cause of infertility if medically necessary and preauthorized by the Medical Claims Administrator’ means that the testing and treatments are covered for medical issues with a medical diagnosis, but infertility treatments specifically are not covered. 

Coverage will depend on the specific tests and procedures in question and the diagnosis and procedure codes the provider submits on the claim.   Specific coverage questions are best answered through a ‘pre-determination’ by the provider’s office and in-network providers are familiar with the process.

Because there is medical treatment coverage prior to an infertility diagnosis, the way a question is worded can make a difference.  If the employee called us and asked if ‘infertility treatments’ are covered, the answer would be no.”

Still, neither of us is sure what exactly this means. I went ahead and scheduled an appointment with my current doctor to get that referral to another doctor moving. I had originally told him I wanted to wait. It looks like the only way we're going to get a straight answer is to just try to go and see what happens after the doctor sends the pre authorization forms.

Don't you just love insurance companies?

CD 20 & Spicy Spinach, Avocado, & Tomato Salad

I was so excited after I weighed myself this morning. I know I shouldn't do it daily, but I do. My weight has been stalled at 183 for about two weeks. After talking to some other girls I decided to track my calories for the day. I haven't been doing that for about two months or longer. I discovered that I was 400 calories under my 1200 calorie goal. I added in 400 calories worth of fruits and veggies and the next morning I was down to 181.5. I should probably add that I did do a 20 minute exercise video as well. I haven't been doing much exercising. I'm not sure if upping my calories or adding in the exercise got my weight moving, but I hope it continues to go down.

Most of my meals today are either the same or similar to things I've already shared, except the one pictured above. I call it a Spicy Spinach, Avocado, & Tomato Salad. I found the original recipe HERE, but I changed it up a bit and used salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper instead of the lemon pepper. My first bowl was made for lunch and I enjoyed it so much I ended up having it for dinner as well.

Speaking of dinner. I fixed the family sloppy joes using deer meat. It looked so good I ended up eating about a tablespoon on one piece of bread. I feel okay eating deer because the animal was wild and not "factory farmed" like most of our store meats. I'd eat it more often if it wasn't red meat, which is inflammatory and bad for endo.

TTC News:

That shoe I've been waiting on to drop finally did. One of the daughters assignments today was to write down five reasons she likes the story about Peter Rabbit. Her #4 reason was because he has siblings. Ouch. I never stop feeling like I'm failing her, but moments like this just amp it up to almost unbearable levels. After reading her list I couldn't help but sit and watch her and think about how great of a sister I think she would be. I wish I could tell her. I wish I could give her the chance.

This is why I can't give up. I don't know if my eating habits will make a difference, but I have to do whatever I can. She deserves the chance to know what it's like to have a brother or sister.

Ugh, this sucks!

CD 18 & Italian Shrimp Stir-Fry

Breakfast was so yummy today. I had my current favorite, veggie scrambled eggs with hot picante sauce, an avocado with salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper, and microwaved cinnamon and honey apples. Mmmmm Mm! It was yummy! And totally endo friendly, I think? Aside from the eggs for some. I was really surprised at how well the apples came out. I think I'll have them again tomorrow but add some nuts to the mix.

Microwave "Fried" Apples

1 apple sliced

cinnamon

honey

** Slice apples, or chop, and place in microwave safe bowl. Sprinkle with cinnamon. Cook on high for 1-2 minutes, until natural juices develop. Stir and add honey. Done!

The picture above is my version of Italian pasta salad. Instead of pasta, I used zucchini noodles. I also made my own Italian dressing. You can find the recipes HERE. I followed it exactly, except I left out the sugar and cut the salt in half. Still tasted pretty good to me. It's different than your typical bottled dressing though.

Italian Zucchini Noodle Salad

1 zucchini

handful of grape tomatoes

1/2 yellow onion chopped

1/2 yellow bell pepper(or whatever color you have on hand) chopped

homemade italian dressing (recipe HERE)

** Use spiral slicer to turn zucchini into yummy noodles. Boil onions and yellow peppers until tender. Add all ingredients to a bowl and drizzle with dressing.

I went to the store the other day and just thought I'd show how my counter looks after I return. My family loves fruits so I load up on them, especially if there is a good sale. I was able to get the oranges for .50/lb and the big bowl of clementines (it was full) for $4. I was also able to price match the bananas and get them for .38/lb. I'm sure all of this will be gone by the end of this weekend.

While at the store I was also able to find this pile of green beans marked down to .54/lb. I think I ended up with about 5 lbs all together. I separated them into family sized portions and froze them. The fruits and these green beans may or may not be organic. I'm not sure? I want to start buying organic, but it's so hard to pass up such good prices when money doesn't grow on trees where you live.

And then we come to dinner. Italian Shrimp Stir-fry. I used my homemade Italian dressing on it and I have to say, it turned out rather well. The family enjoyed theirs on a nice bed of linguine noodles, but I had my good ol' trusty zucchini noodles. The potatoes were marinated in rosemary and thyme and boy were they good. I may have ate a bit more than I should have. You can find the recipe I used for the Stir-fry HERE. I used the same Italian dressing that I used for the pasta salad above.

TTC News:

Today is cd 18 and the nips are still sore. I've also had some pressure in the ovary area, but I'm sure that's related to recent ovulation. My boobs are not sore yet though and that always happens around 6-7 dpo. Not that I'm trying to obsess or anything. I'm just trying to get an idea! Really!

Seriously though, I'm actually enjoying this relaxed cycle. I still have yet to worry about my imperfect timing. I'm not even sure what perfect is? I never seemed to have perfect timing. Something was always wrong. I've even found myself stressing over whether it was sooner rather than later at night. If it was O day and I felt a pinching pain that I connected with O, I swear I would think of nothing except my dying egg until we did bd. Psycho, right?

I hope this healthy eating thing works to get me knocked up. I've never in my life worked this hard to change my eating habits. On top of that, I quite smoking for this same reason 2.5 years ago. Cold turkey! Of course, I'm happy that I'm becoming healthier, but I have to say I'll be pretty bummed if it doesn't put a bun in my oven.

As of today I'm down to 183. I did get down to 182, but my weight generally fluctuates up and down by a pound or two. Can't wait to get out of the 180s. Fat increases estrogen, estrogen is miracle grow for endometriosis, therefor my fat needs to go!

CD 17 & Grilled Shrimp Fajitas

The picture above shows my current favorite obsession. Basically it's just a scrambled omelet without cheese. Before I even finished all of it I was ready for breakfast tomorrow. Sad, I know, but it's so yummy. It's all basically the same as the last one I made, however, this time I added a couple fresh green beans. Not bad, but not awesome. Next time I'll be leaving the green beans out.

So, even though the food pictured above looks a little more like slop, it was absolutely delicious! I did eat one fajita with a flour tortilla, but I ate the rest without a tortilla. This is one of the recipes that I pinned from the Betty Crocker recipe collection. You can find the recipe HERE.

If you like shrimp and you like fajitas I definitely recommend this meal. I need to pick up some gluten free wraps. I'm doing my best to cut out gluten along with everything else. It's just so confusing. It seems like the stuff is everywhere!

TTC News:

CD 17 today and there's not a whole lot going on. I'm pretty sure that I've ovulated, but I'm not sure which day. My skin is feeling hot and I've had pretty sensitive nips today and yesterday, maybe the day before yesterday? I'm not too sure now. According to FF I should get AF around February 1st or 2nd. Not looking forward to her arrival.

Gah...I'm anxious to get back from MD so that I can get things rolling with the doctor again. I really want to have the HSG procedure done to make sure my tubes are not blocked. Hopefully I can avoid another surgery if I can continue to manage my pain through my diet. Waiting sucks but, since my insurance doesn't cover anything fertility related we have to keep the costs low. With our daughter having surgery this year we'll at least meet the deductible for the year.

I have to say, not tracking anything this month has been kind of nice. Of course, I'm still aware of the approximate time I O'd and when we BD'd, but I'm not 100% sure. Since I'm not sure of exact days I can't really focus so much on whether or not our timing was "perfect" or not. I think I'll be doing this again next cycle as well.

Of course, I'd much rather get knocked up than get another cycle!

CD 16 & Yummy Spicy Stuff

Well, I had hoped to get to the grocery store this morning so that I could try out one of my many recipes I've pinned but things didn't work out that way. We ended up going out of town for most of the day and by the time we headed back it was so cold I just wanted to be home.

I still got to use my Nuwave oven, even if it was only for roasting some mushrooms. They turned out pretty good. I really enjoyed the scrambled eggs and veggies that went with it. I was kind of in the mood for a breakfast burrito, but I don't each cheese, meat or the tortillas. That would have left scrambled eggs, and I wanted something a little more interesting than that. I decided to toss in some bell peppers and onions. I've been calling it a scrambled egg fajita without the tortilla. I added a good bit of hot picante sauce and it really hit the spot.

Scrambled Egg Fajita w/o Tortilla

Sliced bell peppers (whatever color)

Sliced onion

2 Eggs

Hot picante sauce

**This was so easy peasy. I just sliced some bell peppers and onion fajita style, cooked them until they were soft, then added two eggs. Top with hot picante sauce and you're good to go!

Dinner was kind of an experiment as well. I'm running low on fruits and veggies so I kind of tossed what's pictured above together and was pleasantly surprised by the results. I ended up eating two large bowls. I really don't know what to call it? So I guess I'll just call it Garlic & Herb Black Bean & Veggie Slop for now. This meal was super easy and fast as well. It only took a few minutes to throw together after getting home.

Garlic & Herb Black Bean & Veggie Slop

can of black beans

sliced bell peppers

sliced onion

chopped zucchini

chopped green onion

chopped tomato

old bay garlic and herb seasoning

hot picante sauce

**Add all ingredients to a pan and cook until veggies are tender. season with garlic and herb seasoning and hot picante sauce.

I wonder if endometriosis has any connection to fatigue? Maybe I'll go do a little browsing around the web and see what I can find out. I just know that there are some days when keeping my eyes open feels like torture. Today is one of those days.

CD 14 & Zucchini Noodle Spaghetti Dinner

Traveling the same old road, in a whole new way. 

I may not be able to get off this road of infertility, but that doesn't mean I can't change the way I travel down it. I've been trying to maintain an endo friendly diet for several months now with success. I gave Vitex a try, but I ended up not keeping up with it due to the excessive spotting it caused before AF. Now, I've decided to forgo all tracking on my BBT chart.

I can't remember that last cycle I've had where I didn't stress during the entire two week wait about how imperfect my BD attempts were. So, I decided not to track it. I won't be temping this month either. If I don't know exactly what days we've BD, and exactly when I O'd I can't stress over it. Right? Makes sense to me. I've been doing my best to not even look at my chart to see what day I'm on for the past several days. I knew if I did I would just memorize what days we BD and guesstimate my O date. This would only lead to me stressing about the exact same thing I'm trying not to stress about.

It's crazy, I know, but so far it seems to be working. I'm on cd 14 and I've not worried over my BD schedule once.

I found a loaf of garlic bread from the bakery marked down at the store the other day. I wanted to fix it for the family before it went bad. For the hubby and daughter I made regular pasta noodled spaghetti with garlic bread and a baked potato. For myself I made yummy yummy zucchini noodles with veggie pasta sauce and a baked potato. I ended up having to slice up another zucchini for seconds. It was amazing! And it was so simple...

Zucchini Spaghetti

Traditional Spaghetti Sauce

Diced Onion

Diced Bell Peppers

Grape Tomatoes

1-2 Zucchini

**I used my spiral slicer to cut the zucchini into noodle form. I put it on a pan and broiled it until the small pieces began to brown. This gets out a lot of the water so it doesn't make your meal a soppy mess. For the veggie sauce I just cooked grape tomatoes, diced bell peppers, and onion in olive oil. I seasoned it with salt and pepper. Once the veggies were tender I poured on the sauce. I did add crushed red pepper to mine once I had it plated up.

The sister-in-law brought me this awesome drink jug for my birthday. I fill it up with water and try to drink at least half of it a day.I like to juice lemons, and sometimes limes, and add that to it. It's a lot of water, but I've been making it so far.

To be honest, I'm kind of surprised I'm sticking with this healthy eating as well as I am. I told some friends the other day, even if I don't get pregnant as a result of my health changes, at least I'll be healthier. I've not been happy with my body since becoming pregnant over 10 years ago, and now I feel like I can change that, for good.

Of course, I'm hoping my efforts result in #2. Sooner rather than later.

Catch Up & A Smoothie

This is from a few days ago, but I never got a chance to post it. The daughter's birthday was just a few days ago and things got pretty crazy as we tried to prepare, host, and clean up a party. It turned out great! We had a Minecraft pool party. It was her 10th birthday, no more single digits!, so the hubby and I really put some work into this one.

Anywho...

On the day of her birthday I always fix whatever she wants to eat for all of her meals. For breakfast she wanted a smoothie. I ended up making a banana, berry mix, spinach, coconut milk, and chia seed smoothie. At first I didn't make enough for myself, but after tasting it I had to make more. It was super yummy!

And while the daughter enjoyed a nice steaming plate of french toast drizzled in sugary syrup and scrambled eggs, I had a sensible bowl of chopped apple topped with cinnamon, honey, and almonds along with an avocado seasoned with salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper flakes. Yep. Sticking to my endo friendly foods. And I'm so close to being out of the 180s for it!

I wish that I could just take a peek inside my abdomen and see what my endo is doing. I'm still doing well at managing my pain. Still have yet to feel like I'm going to pass out or throw up. My hope of having an HSG in April isn't looking so hot anymore. We had to push back surgery for the daughter because she caught a cold within the 6 week period before surgery. It really sucks, but I guess I get another cycle to TTC before I have to leave.

Not sure if that's good or bad?

Happy Breakfast & Dinner Last Night

Before I wake up the daughter, at 11:30!?!, I figured I'd go ahead and do another post. I really want to share what I had for dinner last night. It was so yummy :) Above is a picture of my brunch. I woke up several hours ago but got busy getting some cleaning done and updating this blog while she's asleep. I just had breakfast a minute ago. I know I shouldn't do that, but I do from time to time. I'll have to make sure I snack often today so I don't binge tonight.

On to dinner! Excuse the poor picture quality. I snapped a quick picture last night and devoured my food before I realized the picture was blurry. We had sweet potatoes, I put honey and cinnamon on mine, steamed broccoli with salt and pepper, and Old Bay seasoned salmon. I was kind of iffy on the salmon since the last time I fixed it I found it to be disgusting. However, after last night I'm pretty positive it was the lemon pepper I seasoned it with. I may be having this again tonight. It took about 11-12 minutes from frozen under the broiler on high.

I never would have guessed that eating endo friendly could be so tasty :)

Catch Up From Yesterday

I know I've been MIA, but I promise that I've been doing really good while away. My pain levels during this past AF were dramatically reduced again. I was able to manage what cramps I did have with generic ibuprofen. Not once did I feel like I was going to pass out or throw up. Also, I joined a support group on Facebook and decided to ask how many others had problems with passing out or throwing up. At first I thought there were none by the lack of responses, but then a few girls commented to let me know that they to suffered from the same problem. It feels so good to know that I'm not alone. It's never happened but one of my biggest fears is passing out or throwing up while using a public restroom. One girl suggested it could be Vasovagal Synscope.

I don't plan on rushing out to the doctor to find out because those pretty little green babies above are helping me control it! I only recently discovered my love for plain avocado. I've always loved guac, but for whatever reason I'd never tried an avocado. Now, however, I can't seem to keep them in the house!

This week has been a chili week. Mostly I have it for lunch and sometimes after dinner. It works out to keep me from munching on some snacky food with the hubby. Despite that and not counting calories I'm still losing weight. This morning I actually weighed in at 184.5. I can't believe how close to the 170s I am! I've been trying to add in a little exercise to help bust this fat. Fat is terrible for increasing estrogen, which I have been so blessed to have an overabundance of. Yippy.

This was my breakfast from the other day. I cooked kale, grape tomatoes, and jalapenos before adding in one egg. Eggs are supposed to be a no-no food for endo but I've found that it doesn't really affect me. I'm pretty sure that dairy is the worst for me. I react to that stuff almost immediately. I typically start swelling within 15 minutes of eating even the smallest amount of dairy.

Universe, please let my tubes and ovaries be clear of evil endo. Thanks.

CD 4 & Overcooked Fish

I told you I get fixated on certain foods for days. The hubby, on the other hand, does not. That's why I had to fix him deer sloppy joes, and more old bay fish for myself. I think our daughter has taken after me in the meal department. She has been eating chili when I do and picked fish over joes for dinner. If you're wondering what's on that potato, it's cayenne pepper. I like my baked potatoes with a little kick. Also, if you happen to notice that my fish looks a bit dry and over cooked, well, that's because it was. It still tasted good.

TTC News...

I thought I was going to get a clean break from AF, but she has returned off and on today. She's so thoughtful like that. Hopefully she'll take a hike for real in the next day or two. Other than that, still not a lot going on.

A good friend of mine found out she's having a boy today. I'm really excited for them. This is their 5th child and they were hoping for a boy since this will be their last. Even though I'm happy for her, I'm kind of sad that her pregnancy is flying by so quickly. I would've really enjoyed being bump buddies with her. I know there's still a chance, two to be exact, but the odds of that happening just doesn't seem to be in my favor. I'm grateful to have the chance to be there for her though, as much as I can since she's in Colorado and I'm in Kentucky! This makes me terribly sad by the way, as I really think we could get along well if we lived closer.

Same with all my other girls that are scattered across the US. Why must we be so far apart?!

Weight Loss News...

I think it was Friday that I weighed in at 196 pounds. Well, a lot of that must have been bloat because this morning I weighed in at 188.5! I cannot even begin to express how happy I am about being out of the 190's. I don't plan on going back either. I guess that just shows how much my endo causes me to bloat up when it becomes inflamed.

CD 3 & Old Bay Fish Dinner

On Tuesday's I have to take the hubby to work and pick him up. Me and our daughter usually have a couple of hours to kill before he gets off work. Today, we browsed around a couple stores before stopping at Kroger. I had originally planned to pick up some scallops, until I saw the price. Holy Cow! Those things are expensive. I decided those would be for another day, especially since I really don't know how to cook them or what to cook them with. For that cost I don't want to experiment!

I ended up settling on some fish fillets instead. While browsing the produce sections I found some broccoli and snow peas marked down. I grabbed a couple bags for broccoli and onion stir fry in the near future. By the time I got home I couldn't wait for the broccoli stir fry. So, that's what we had. That, and Old Bay seasoned fish fillets. The combination completely clashed, but I'm not complaining. The fish was amazing! I plan to pick up several more packs while it's on sale. It was so easy to make, too.

All I did was rub the frozen, yes, frozen, fillets with extra virgin olive oil and sprinkle both sides generously with Old Bay seasoning. I put the broiler on high, as the package instructed, and popped them in the oven. The cooked for 7-8 minutes on each side. Easy peasy!

I don't eat a whole lot of seafood, and I don't eat any type of red meat or poultry at all, but I think I could handle this fish more often. Most of the time I eat some sort of seafood when I start feeling fatigued and a migraine starts. This typically means my b12 is getting low. I take supplements, but for whatever reason, my stomach does not absorb it this way very well. Most of the time I eat seafood enough to keep my levels balanced out, so it usually isn't a problem.

TTC News...

It's only cd 3 and I think the witch is already leaving! It doesn't even look like I'll have my typical 3-4 days of spotting. However, now that I've said that, I'm sure I'll start spotting like crazy. I started Vitex back today. I'm only taking one pill a day this cycle. Hopefully I don't start spotting a week before my period this month.

CD 2 & Banana Pancakes

This morning I fixed banana pancakes for me and my daughter. I wasn't sure if she would like them, but she ended up eating six! This will probably end up being my breakfast for the next few days due to the enormous amount of bananas my husband picked up at the store. It's okay though. I'm not complaining.

These things are so easy to make. I thought about adding some unsweetened cocoa powder, but ended up just fixing them with cinnamon. I think I might give the cocoa powder a try tomorrow. I'm hoping that the banana will be enough to give the cocoa powder enough sweetness. I really don't want to add extra.

They turned out pretty yummy. The key to these things is keeping them small. Most of the time I want to start rushing things when I get down to the last bit of batter, but I restrain myself with these things. Bigger banana pancakes are not better.

I ended up making chili for dinner last night. It's so yummy.

TTC News...

Luckily, my cramps were not nearly as bad today. I have had zero pain relievers. Other than that, there's not a whole lot going on at the moment. Just waiting for AF to take a hike. I did make the mistake of browsing a pregnancy forum today. I don't know why I do it. It always leaves me in a bad place.

Almost CD 1, Dinner & Grocery Shopping

I had a bit of a craving for pizza tonight, but I definitely did not want the pain that comes with the real stuff. So, I decided to get creative. I picked up some marked down stuffing mushrooms, the small ones, at the store today. I've had store bought pizza stuffed mushrooms before, but never made them. To make it even more complicated, mine has to be made without cheese and meat. The final product wasn't that pretty to look at, but it really wasn't that bad to eat. Next time I'll make sure to get bigger mushrooms, or more smaller ones.

Meatless Dairy-Free (almost) Pizza Stuffed Mushrooms

diced yellow onion

diced ancient sweet pepper

diced roasted red pepper

diced black olives

spinach

stuffing mushrooms

**I pre-baked the mushrooms until the water came out of them. While waiting for those I sauteed everything else in olive oil. When all of the liquid was cooked out of the veggies I dumped in a jar of pizza sauce. I let it simmer to try to reduce some of the liquid. Once that finished I intended to fill the tops and bake it a bit, however, I went a little overboard on the veggies. I ended up putting them in a small round baking pan and just dumping the veggies on top. I sprinkled it with a little Parmesan cheese and a lot of Tabasco sauce.**

I also picked up Chia Seeds at the store today. When I first learned that people were eating these, I researched for about two days to see if they were the same that came with the Chia Pets. Part of me just did not want to accept that people at those same seeds. Turns out they do though. And I got me some. I saw that you can make jelly with different fruits or use it in smoothies. I'm going to try to make a strawberry jelly. I'll let you know how it turns out.

I also picked up some cold pressed Coconut Oil. It was on sale and I've been wanting to get some for a while. The main reason I wanted to get it was to try out as a toothpaste. A good friend of mine uses it and had nothing but good things to say about it. I'm all for switching to a more natural way of living. Since finding out about my endo I've been kind of worried about the chemicals and hormones that my daughter ingests on a daily basis. I don't want her to endure the same sort of pain I do. If I can give her healthier options and perhaps prevent or lessen her chances of getting endo, or other problems related to poor choices, I will.

I know sugar is not good for endo gals, and I'm not sure if this is any different. It was on sale and I've been wanting to try it as a replacement. If the family approves it could replace the common white sugar. Truthfully, we don't use a lot of sugar in the house, but oh well. If we do, we've got an alternative now. I need to do a little research to see if it's acceptable for endo.

I was so excited to see these on sale. They go so fast in our house it's not even funny. I bet these won't even make it until next weekend. Normally we pay almost $6 for them but I was able to get them for $3.99 each! Since they're easy to peel both the hubby and daughter love them. The hubby takes at least 5 to work with him every single day.

TTC News...

It's so close to being cd 1 and I cannot wait for this cycle to be over. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous about what my pain is going to be like this month. I had a little more dairy than I should have. I've already started having pain, but I took some ibuprofen and for now that seems to be keeping it at a manageable level. However, it's cd 1-2 that's the worst and usually leave me on the verge of throwing up or passing out. Normally when I start cramping the night before I end up in the tub at some point in the night. It's not safe, but that's the only way I can get any sleep when the pain is bad.

15 DPO, Last Night's Lunch & Today's Breakfast

Last night I fixed something I haven't had in a long time. Leeks and red potatoes. It was fried, so I know it's not that great, but it has to be a little better since I used extra virgin olive oil. Or, at least I hope so. We'll just say yes. I had this along with a bowl of the veggie chili I made the other day. I had planned on freezing some of that, but I think it'll be gone before I get the chance. Between our girl and myself, it's not lasting long.

Since we live in the area that is under the winter weather advisory, I asked my hubby to grab a bunch of bananas on his way in from work. I really wanted to have some banana pancakes and didn't want to get stuck at home without them. The picture above shows what he brought home. I nearly fell over laughing when I picked up the bag. I seriously love that man. Guess I can't say he doesn't listen.

Thanks to my awesome hubby, I was able to have banana pancakes for breakfast. They're so simple to make. I just use one local farm egg, one banana, and some cinnamon. I drizzle a little honey on top instead of syrup. This time I made sure to fry them a little thinner than before. I also put paper towel on the plate I was using as I removed them from the pan. This helped to keep them from sweating and getting soggy.

Today is 15 dpo, and it should be the last day of my cycle. Thank God! I'm so over it and ready to move on. Vitex has given me a 15 day LP, but with way more spotting than normal. After AF I'm going to start Vitex back with only one pill a day this time. I'm also thinking about stopping it after I ovulate.

Yesterday I realized that I am getting ready to start active ttc cycle #29. This means it has been over 9 years all together. I can't even describe the anger, frustration, and despair I felt yesterday. I seriously would have paid money to have a few minutes alone with a glass shop. I don't know when I got on this Merry-Go-Round of extreme high's and low's, but I'm more than ready to get off. 

13 DPO & Yummy Yummy Veggie Chili

Tonight, I'm a happy, happy girl. In the days before I stopped eating meat, I often enjoyed a yummy bowl of spicy chili. Since I've jumped off the meat train, I haven't really thought much about it, until, today! I started fixing a crock-pot full of pinto beans, which I use for several different meals, and it made me think of chili. I don't know how I could have ever forgotten about this amazing dish!

Amber's Veggie Chili

1 chopped zucchini

1 can of diced tomatoes

2 cans Rotel diced tomatoes and green chilies

1 chopped yellow onion

2 chopped red sweet peppers

1 can kidney beans

about 2 cups of pinto beans

about 2-3 tbsp of chili powder

about a tbsp of cumin

**Throw everything in a pot, bring to a boil, reduce heat to simmer and cover with a lid.**

I never did get around to making another quiche today. I had some of the one I made yesterday with a salad for lunch today. It was just as good today as it was yesterday. I was kind of worried that the egg would become gross reheated. For breakfast, I ended up eating the leftover tomato and cucumber salad I made the other day along with a boiled egg. Not exactly "breakfasty" but it worked.

Today is 13 dpo and AF should be here in about two days. It sucks, but I was sorta expecting it to end this way. Ready for the witch to just get on with it so I can restart another cycle. All in all, I'm feeling okay today. I do think it's possible the chili might have a little to do with that. I shall never forget chili again. E.V.E.R.

8 DPO, Awesome Veggie Soup & Whine...I mean...Wine

I wanted to post this last night, but my dog decided to eat my last charger cord while we were out and about. My phone died shortly after dinner and before I got my pictures uploaded here. Lovely, right? And it's only taken 8 to get me to move it away from the side of my bed. My lovely hubby is ordering me a few more chargers, but for now I'm borrowing a spare that belongs to my MIL

So, several weeks ago I made a pasta recipe that I absolutely loved. I'm trying really hard to get rid of pasta, but it's so hard cause I really love that stuff. I asked Santa for a spiral slicer for Christmas! I'm hoping zucchini noodles will help, but until then, I'm trying to figure out an alternative. I tried with brown rice, but it wasn't all that wonderful. Seemed like it was missing something. That something being my wonderful, soft, delicious pasta :(

Then, I came up with what's pictured above. It's a new spin on an old dish. Vegetable Soup. Normally I make it with tomato juice and your common mixed veggies. You know. The ones that come in the can labeled mixed vegetables. Corn. Peas. Green beans. Yada Yada. Yeah, it's like that, but only different. Instead of tomato juice I used organic veggie broth. Instead of canned mixed veggies I used fresh zucchini, squash, tomatoes, red onion, and raw spinach. Added in a little sea salt and a heap of Italian seasoning and Tada! A equally tasty veggie soup :)

I didn't make a huge batch, but next time I plan to make enough that I can freeze lots and lots of servings. I also plan to put in more raw spinach. I wasn't sure how it would work but it turned out really well. Spinach is supposed to be really good for endo since it's high in vitamin k.

Oh yeah, I forgot that I had mushrooms in there as well :) It was all so delicious. Excuse my poor photography. These pictures do absolutely no justice for this delicious bowl of veggie soup. The hubby doesn't even like soup but he really seemed to enjoy this one. He kept trying to eat all of mine!

Along with that for dinner last night, I had a glass of organic chamomile with lemon herbal tea. I'm pretty sure I read something somewhere that said chamomile is good for endo. I should probably do a a little research on it to be sure. Anyway, I added in a teaspoon of honey and enjoyed. My goal is to have at least one herbal tea a day.

So, all that good stuff was from yesterday. Today is a slightly different story. We were asked to go out to dinner with some friends. We went to this great little Italian restaurant about an hour away. Yes. An hour. It was sooooo worth it. I had pan seared scallops with bowtie pasta and a cream sauce. It was so delicious, and so bad for me at the same time. I can't remember exactly what the sauce was called, but I'm pretty sure it had milk in it. It was so good though.

After dinner we came back home for some much needed down time after spending time with friends, family, and doing a little shopping the past few days. Alcohol isn't great for endo, but the hubby bought me a bottle of my favorite blackberry wine. I was a good girl though and only had one glass. However I did have a glass of mulled wine as well.

Today is 8 dpo, technically 9 dpo since it's 12:15am  now, and I'm pretty sure I'm out. I know there is no way to be 100% sure, but watch and see, AF will show right on time. I'm going to continue with Vitex for at least one more month. I only have two more cycles to try before I'll be leaving for Maryland until the end of March or early April. It sucks, but what can I do? I could probably use the break anyway. I feel like I've become very unstable mentally.

I actually had a pretty bad breakdown today. It wasn't really one thing that triggered it. It was a combination of things, but the root cause is this whole infertility crap. It's making me crazy. Literally. I forgot our library books today when we left and I actually burst into tears and wailed, yes...wailed, that I had forgotten them. I think the hubby was ready to have me committed right then. Luckily, he just turned around and drove back home so I could get them. To make matters worse, we were on our way to that dinner I told you about with friends. I enjoyed seeing them and the food was amazing, but I can't even begin to explain how exhausting it was.

I'm not proud of this, but it happened. I want to go to a therapist and see if maybe they can help me deal with these feelings and thoughts, but we can't afford it right now. We have new insurance and our deductible is not met. With Christmas, Peanut's birthday, her surgery deductible, and our stay in Maryland, we just can't afford it. Hopefully I can hold it together for just a few more months. I just don't know how to stop letting infertility control my life.

CD 10 & Roasted Mushrooms, Grape Tomatoes, and Red Onions

Life kind of took over after my last post so I'm late to update, but I didn't do too horrible after our early Thanksgiving meal. I stayed at 192. Yay! I had a bit of the leftovers the next day, but I've been back on track since.

I'm still on a mushroom kick and wanted to try something different. Today, I decided to toss some in a pan with grape tomatoes and chopped red onion. Sprinkled in a little salt, pepper, garlic powder, and Italian seasons and stuck it in the oven. I let it all bake for about 30 - 45 minutes. I'm not really sure? I checked occasionally and pulled it out when it looked like it does in the picture above. It was actually pretty yummy. That ended up being my entire lunch. I think I used a little too much red onion though. It was a little more sweet than I would have preferred.

Today's cd 10 and there's not a whole lot going on. Still taking Vitex every morning. So far I'm not having any pains throughout the day. I'm anxious to see what my pain levels are like when AF arrives this month. Hopefully it'll be a repeat of last month. My temp from yesterday really freaked me out. It wasn't really higher than my highest temps, but it sure was dramatic. I was glad to see it back down this morning. An early O would be nice, but not that early.

Of course, getting a BFP instead of AF would be so much better than having a not so painful I want to die AF.

CD 7 & Recovering From Early Thanksgiving Dinner

I'm sorry to report that you won't be seeing any updates on my meals from yesterday. I did horrible! And paid for it with pain and bloating. I had planned on taking a picture of the table loaded with cheese and butter, but I totally forgot. Well, it wasn't really loaded with cheese and butter only, but that's what killed me later. I'll be checking my weight in the morning to see how much weight I gained. Hopefully not much.

Today is CD 7 and I'm so ready for it to be O time. I'm anxious to see if a full cycle of Vitex brings me any luck. A friend of mine is using Vitex as well to try to help with her PCOS. She said AF came a few days ago for the first time in months. I hope it helps her get pregnant. Her youngest is 8 years old so it's been a while.

Today has been a pretty down kind of day. I even found myself fighting back tears a few times. It didn't help matters any that we had my niece and nephew with us early today and then spend the rest of the day with friends. I just needed some quite down time, but that just wasn't going to happen today. I've been so snappy and irritable all day despite knowing the problem and that I shouldn't be this way.

The worst part is that the hubby is now irritated with me because of my short fuse, and I can't even tell him what my problem is, which makes it even worse. If I do, he won't touch me for a week thinking he's protecting me from getting hurt. Funny thing is, protecting me from being hurt is the last thing ending our efforts of TTC will do. I don't know how I would cope if he told me he didn't want to try anymore.

I'm just ready for this day to be over.