You know those times when you DON'T fall off the wagon?

Free-for-All Friday! That's what I would have told you yesterday was, but as of this morning it's still just Friday. In other words, I did not fall off the wagon yesterday!

I almost did though.

It was a super busy day, and that was kind of good and kind of bad for my diet. I mostly snacked on fruits and veggies throughout the day. Before I knew it, it was almost dinner time. I decided to wait for eating any large meals until the hubby came home from work, which should have been any moment at that point. He ended up getting held up at work and didn't get back into town until around 6:30 pm.

I kept waiting, wandering around the kitchen, eyeing all the bad snack foods out and about that I normally ignore.

Then, when he called to let me know he was meeting his parents at the furniture store to pick up our Christmas present to ourselves, I went ahead and started cooking. I fixed spinach and feta pierogies with mushrooms. They aren't any too awfully bad, but they are processed and have dairy in them. After they were done cooking and I had fixed my plate, the hubby and his parents pulled up. I sat my plate down and spend the next hour and a half to two hours trying to get our new couch and love seat in the house. They had to make two trips because the hubby's dad has a short wheel based truck. The mother-in-law stayed with me to help move our old couch out of the way and situate the new one.

Meanwhile, my plate of processed food sat on the counter, just waiting to load me up with guilt, bloating, and cramps.

To my surprise, and advantage, the daughter really, really liked the pierogies. And between her and the few my father-in-law had, they ended up disappearing. I ended up giving my plate to the daughter before we were all settled and done with the furniture.

I knew I was setting myself up for disaster. As the hubby made his way home and we talked over the phone I could feel myself tiptoeing around one small sentence. Stop and get something to eat. I wanted to say it so bad. Then, when the hubby said he was going to stop by Dairy Queen, I shocked myself. I told him I would fix something, despite the kitchen being a wreck and filled with furniture.

I heated up the last bit of his deer sloppy joe along with some olive oil, salt, and Italian seasoning coated zucchini that had been roasted in small slices, and a baked red potato. I fixed my plate with only the zucchini and a potato. It was gone in a blink of an eye and left me with a growling tummy still. I ended up back in the kitchen, desperate to stay away from the bad stuff. In the end, I settled on a small avocado and  a banana. I had never had a raw, plain avocado before. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I did like it. I woke up this morning thinking about the other one I have left.

Needless to say, I'm feeling extremely proud of myself. And on top of feeling totally awesome and pain free, the scale is still reading 187.5.

Homemade Toothpaste & My Favorite Spice

A few days ago I started making my own toothpaste. I mixed up some cold pressed coconut oil with equal parts baking soda. And my daughter had recently brought home this super cute little honey sample jar from her botany co-op class. It's perfect for holding the mixture. I've been using it for a few days now and while the baking soda tastes weird, it actually does a decent job. I love the super smooth, clean feeling I have afterward. And it last for so long! It's supposed to be good for allowing cavities to heal as well. I don't have any cavities so I won't be able to find out for sure, but that's pretty awesome if it does.

Also, I've been forgetting one of the most important spices that I use in my chili, on my potatoes, and well, just about anything I eat. Cayenne Pepper! I'm so addicted to this stuff. I bet I use half a tablespoon to one bowl of chili. I think it's supposed to be good for the metabolism. I'm not sure if that's true, but if it is I guess it's an added perk. I love some heat in my food. I'm also addicted to Tabasco sauce. I'm always using one or the other. The hubby always says he's going to buy me one of those jumbo, bulk size bottles of Tabasco but he never has. It would probably save us money if we did buy those.

Weight Loss...

I'm continuing to do really well with my eating. I think I've had one sugar free Werther's apple filled caramel since Friday. Other than that I've had zero processed foods. I had originally deemed Friday as my cheat day, but I don't think I'll be cheating this Friday. When I weighed myself this morning I was down to 187.5! I know weight fluctuates daily, but this is the lowest I've seen my scale in years. No way am I going to go back up. So far I'm at a total weight loss of 27.5 pounds.

TTC News...

Cd 5 today and AF is finally gone! Yay! I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday. At first, I hadn't really thought about it being two years since my miscarriage. The fact that I realized it right on the same day I ovulated during that cycle made it just a little harder.

I'm still taking one Vitex pill every morning. I'm kind of curious to see if I do ovulate right on the hubby's birthday. It would be pretty awesome to ovulate on his birthday and then get a BFP. It would truly be a birthday baby.

A girl can dream. Right?

Two Years & Torturing Myself

This is my first ultrasound photo from my pregnancy exactly two years ago this month. In fact, I ovulated on this exact day, December 11th, for that pregnancy. It was taken right around 6 weeks. Sadly, it ended in a missed miscarriage only 5 weeks later. I only had one other ultrasound before my loss and it looked basically the same. The sac measured 8 weeks, even though I was 11 weeks, and the baby was so tiny you could barely see it.

This baby would have been born on September 3, 2012. I should ovulate around December 19, which just happens to be the hubby's birthday, and if I were to somehow managed to get pregnant, the new baby would be due around the middle of September. September 11, 2014 to be exact if I do ovulate exactly on December 19th.

Over two years ago I joined a TTC board and for whatever reason I decided it would be a good idea to browse through my old threads. That's where I found this old ultrasound picture. I don't know what I was thinking. It most definitely was not a good idea.

How can two years pass after a pregnancy and then nothing? Absolutely nothing. Will I ever get back here?

CD 4 & Overcooked Fish

I told you I get fixated on certain foods for days. The hubby, on the other hand, does not. That's why I had to fix him deer sloppy joes, and more old bay fish for myself. I think our daughter has taken after me in the meal department. She has been eating chili when I do and picked fish over joes for dinner. If you're wondering what's on that potato, it's cayenne pepper. I like my baked potatoes with a little kick. Also, if you happen to notice that my fish looks a bit dry and over cooked, well, that's because it was. It still tasted good.

TTC News...

I thought I was going to get a clean break from AF, but she has returned off and on today. She's so thoughtful like that. Hopefully she'll take a hike for real in the next day or two. Other than that, still not a lot going on.

A good friend of mine found out she's having a boy today. I'm really excited for them. This is their 5th child and they were hoping for a boy since this will be their last. Even though I'm happy for her, I'm kind of sad that her pregnancy is flying by so quickly. I would've really enjoyed being bump buddies with her. I know there's still a chance, two to be exact, but the odds of that happening just doesn't seem to be in my favor. I'm grateful to have the chance to be there for her though, as much as I can since she's in Colorado and I'm in Kentucky! This makes me terribly sad by the way, as I really think we could get along well if we lived closer.

Same with all my other girls that are scattered across the US. Why must we be so far apart?!

Weight Loss News...

I think it was Friday that I weighed in at 196 pounds. Well, a lot of that must have been bloat because this morning I weighed in at 188.5! I cannot even begin to express how happy I am about being out of the 190's. I don't plan on going back either. I guess that just shows how much my endo causes me to bloat up when it becomes inflamed.

CD 3 & Old Bay Fish Dinner

On Tuesday's I have to take the hubby to work and pick him up. Me and our daughter usually have a couple of hours to kill before he gets off work. Today, we browsed around a couple stores before stopping at Kroger. I had originally planned to pick up some scallops, until I saw the price. Holy Cow! Those things are expensive. I decided those would be for another day, especially since I really don't know how to cook them or what to cook them with. For that cost I don't want to experiment!

I ended up settling on some fish fillets instead. While browsing the produce sections I found some broccoli and snow peas marked down. I grabbed a couple bags for broccoli and onion stir fry in the near future. By the time I got home I couldn't wait for the broccoli stir fry. So, that's what we had. That, and Old Bay seasoned fish fillets. The combination completely clashed, but I'm not complaining. The fish was amazing! I plan to pick up several more packs while it's on sale. It was so easy to make, too.

All I did was rub the frozen, yes, frozen, fillets with extra virgin olive oil and sprinkle both sides generously with Old Bay seasoning. I put the broiler on high, as the package instructed, and popped them in the oven. The cooked for 7-8 minutes on each side. Easy peasy!

I don't eat a whole lot of seafood, and I don't eat any type of red meat or poultry at all, but I think I could handle this fish more often. Most of the time I eat some sort of seafood when I start feeling fatigued and a migraine starts. This typically means my b12 is getting low. I take supplements, but for whatever reason, my stomach does not absorb it this way very well. Most of the time I eat seafood enough to keep my levels balanced out, so it usually isn't a problem.

TTC News...

It's only cd 3 and I think the witch is already leaving! It doesn't even look like I'll have my typical 3-4 days of spotting. However, now that I've said that, I'm sure I'll start spotting like crazy. I started Vitex back today. I'm only taking one pill a day this cycle. Hopefully I don't start spotting a week before my period this month.

CD 2 & Banana Pancakes

This morning I fixed banana pancakes for me and my daughter. I wasn't sure if she would like them, but she ended up eating six! This will probably end up being my breakfast for the next few days due to the enormous amount of bananas my husband picked up at the store. It's okay though. I'm not complaining.

These things are so easy to make. I thought about adding some unsweetened cocoa powder, but ended up just fixing them with cinnamon. I think I might give the cocoa powder a try tomorrow. I'm hoping that the banana will be enough to give the cocoa powder enough sweetness. I really don't want to add extra.

They turned out pretty yummy. The key to these things is keeping them small. Most of the time I want to start rushing things when I get down to the last bit of batter, but I restrain myself with these things. Bigger banana pancakes are not better.

I ended up making chili for dinner last night. It's so yummy.

TTC News...

Luckily, my cramps were not nearly as bad today. I have had zero pain relievers. Other than that, there's not a whole lot going on at the moment. Just waiting for AF to take a hike. I did make the mistake of browsing a pregnancy forum today. I don't know why I do it. It always leaves me in a bad place.

CD 1...Again & A Homicidal Bladder

Today is cd 1. Shocker! Guess it was pretty dumb to think that Vitex might actually help me, and that I might actually get lucky like some and get a BFP on my second month with it. Oh well, nothing to do but keep moving forward. I'm a little sad that I only have two cycles left before I leave for Maryland and I'm forced into a 3-4 month break. I think the break will be good for me though. I just can't stand the thought of losing a month. It's already been so long. I don't want to lose anymore time.

I've been paying for my dairy splurges this month. I've ended up in the tub three times, once around 5am. I've been taking ibuprofen and drinking lots of chamomile tea. Both are supposed to be anti-inflammatory. Hopefully tomorrow is a little better. This pain is a good reminder of why I decided to cut out dairy in the first place.

I haven't had any interesting meals today. Mostly leftovers. In fact, it was all leftovers, except for the baked red potato, bananas, and mandarin oranges. I'm pretty sure I'm going to make another pot of chili tomorrow. Aside from no interesting meals to share, I have to give myself a pat on the back for how well I've done. I've been craving bad foods, mostly gluten and dairy, and have stayed away.

I admit, some of my motivation is probably coming from feeling like my reproductive organs are being crushed inside my body. Or, maybe the feeling that my hips have been jammed into a vice for most of the day. Or, maybe the sharp stabbing pains up my rib cage? I'm not even sure that's endo pain? But I can sure blame it on my endo.

Speaking of endo, I think it's gotten all buddy-buddy with my bladder and they're both plotting against me. Crazy! I know! I mean, it's a bladder. Right? But it's true. I'm pretty sure my it has been trying to kill me every time I go to the bathroom.

Guess I know that it wasn't the Vitex that made the big difference in my pain last month. Which is good because this will be the last month I use Vitex if I continue to spot. I'm going to be lowering my dose to see if there is any difference. I may also stop Vitex after I ovulate. I'm not sure yet.

Just a little over two weeks until I get my spiral slicer. Then I'll have no trouble saying goodbye to gluten and hello to zucchini noodles!