Sunday, October 27, 2013

Today's The Day!

I finally got a positive OPK yesterday and as of this morning it was negative. I'm counting today as O day and so is fertility friend. It's a kind of bittersweet day.

On one hand, I'm excited to be going into the tww, finally! On the other hand, I feel like there is no point in allowing myself to hope. With each month that passes, I feel more and more confident that my tubes are blocked by endo or scar tissue.

I know it's ridiculous for me to think this way, but that doesn't stop it. I wish I could just waltz into the doctors office and request an HSG. If I was lucky enough to have the medical coverage, I would!

Just a bit ago, the song Wrecking Ball came on Pandora. I found it somewhat interesting that I relate it to my infertility journey instead of a relationship. I drove into hardcore active ttc headfirst, and after over two years, the infertility walls are still up.

I suppose I need to put down the computer and get to doing something. Today is one of those days when I have to work extra hard at suppressing my feelings. The hubby is open to more children, but when he sees me upset he's ready to pull the plug on the whole operation. I know he only wants to protect me from the pain, and without fertility coverage or spare money laying around for testing and treatments, giving up probably seems the easiest way to make the pain go away.

If only it were that easy...

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