Sunday, October 20, 2013

When Someone Pops The Question

Got photo here 

No, not that question. I'm talking about the other question...

Are you going to have more kids?

It's not a question I'm asked very often, but when I am, it tends to double my despair. When I have the privilege of being asked by a pregnant woman, it hurts a little bit more.

And don't you know?! I'm the luckiest girl in the world! So lucky I got asked this very question just last night. But do you want to know the best part?

The girl is pregnant. She's dating the hubby's cousin. This is his cousin's second pregnant girlfriend in two years. I get to relive the gushy excitement from the family as she grows and grows! Awesome...

You may think this sounds a lot like jealousy...

And you would be very right. Being jealous doesn't mean I hate her. Well, maybe just a…JOKING! No, I don’t hate her. I hate that I don't have what she has. There's a difference. She’s actually a very sweet girl and I wish them all the best.

What really sucks is having to listen to the family gush excitement over a new baby. I’ll have the privilege of participating in another baby shower with an enormous belly. And the hubby happens to be fairly close to this cousin so I’ll probably end up in more baby chats than I care for, again. I say again because it seems like I just went through this with the ex-girlfriend.

Just So Ya Know: In my last post I mentioned a miscarriage. If I had carried that baby to term and brought him or her home it would have been only four months after the ex-girlfriends baby was born in May.

 So, yeah. Awe. Some…

Anyway, back to the question. I answered honestly. And surprisingly so did the hubby. He was actually the first to speak up and tell her that we are trying and that we’ve been trying for a long time now. This probably sounds dumb, but it felt nice to hear him tell someone else that we ARE trying. His response also left little option to be anything but honest. So I told her about my endometriosis.

I hope that telling her the truth doesn’t make her feel like she has to avoid me. I don’t want her to be uncomfortable or to worry about stirring up bad feelings. There will for sure be times when I emotionally can’t be around her, but for the most part I do pretty well when I’m around them. It’s after we go home and I’m alone with my thoughts and feelings that I fall apart, but she doesn’t have to know that.

Hopefully I’ll never have to give her the “It’s not you, it’s me” spill…

This doesn’t really have anything to do with my diet, which has been horriBAD today, but it has to do with the main reason I’m here. I’ll leave the diet thing at what it is, just…bad. Tomorrow’s a new day, right?!

On a positive note. One of those lovely girls I was telling you about in my first post connected me with a group of girls on Facebook who all suffer from endometriosis. It'll be nice to talk to others who are familiar with what I'm going through. After talking to one woman and reading some other posts I decided to order Vitex. I know I said my self-medicating days are over, but I might just give this a shot. I'm not sure yet? Guess I'll see when it get here.

<3 I'd be lost without you girls!

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