8 DPO, Awesome Veggie Soup & Whine...I mean...Wine

I wanted to post this last night, but my dog decided to eat my last charger cord while we were out and about. My phone died shortly after dinner and before I got my pictures uploaded here. Lovely, right? And it's only taken 8 to get me to move it away from the side of my bed. My lovely hubby is ordering me a few more chargers, but for now I'm borrowing a spare that belongs to my MIL

So, several weeks ago I made a pasta recipe that I absolutely loved. I'm trying really hard to get rid of pasta, but it's so hard cause I really love that stuff. I asked Santa for a spiral slicer for Christmas! I'm hoping zucchini noodles will help, but until then, I'm trying to figure out an alternative. I tried with brown rice, but it wasn't all that wonderful. Seemed like it was missing something. That something being my wonderful, soft, delicious pasta :(

Then, I came up with what's pictured above. It's a new spin on an old dish. Vegetable Soup. Normally I make it with tomato juice and your common mixed veggies. You know. The ones that come in the can labeled mixed vegetables. Corn. Peas. Green beans. Yada Yada. Yeah, it's like that, but only different. Instead of tomato juice I used organic veggie broth. Instead of canned mixed veggies I used fresh zucchini, squash, tomatoes, red onion, and raw spinach. Added in a little sea salt and a heap of Italian seasoning and Tada! A equally tasty veggie soup :)

I didn't make a huge batch, but next time I plan to make enough that I can freeze lots and lots of servings. I also plan to put in more raw spinach. I wasn't sure how it would work but it turned out really well. Spinach is supposed to be really good for endo since it's high in vitamin k.

Oh yeah, I forgot that I had mushrooms in there as well :) It was all so delicious. Excuse my poor photography. These pictures do absolutely no justice for this delicious bowl of veggie soup. The hubby doesn't even like soup but he really seemed to enjoy this one. He kept trying to eat all of mine!

Along with that for dinner last night, I had a glass of organic chamomile with lemon herbal tea. I'm pretty sure I read something somewhere that said chamomile is good for endo. I should probably do a a little research on it to be sure. Anyway, I added in a teaspoon of honey and enjoyed. My goal is to have at least one herbal tea a day.

So, all that good stuff was from yesterday. Today is a slightly different story. We were asked to go out to dinner with some friends. We went to this great little Italian restaurant about an hour away. Yes. An hour. It was sooooo worth it. I had pan seared scallops with bowtie pasta and a cream sauce. It was so delicious, and so bad for me at the same time. I can't remember exactly what the sauce was called, but I'm pretty sure it had milk in it. It was so good though.

After dinner we came back home for some much needed down time after spending time with friends, family, and doing a little shopping the past few days. Alcohol isn't great for endo, but the hubby bought me a bottle of my favorite blackberry wine. I was a good girl though and only had one glass. However I did have a glass of mulled wine as well.

Today is 8 dpo, technically 9 dpo since it's 12:15am  now, and I'm pretty sure I'm out. I know there is no way to be 100% sure, but watch and see, AF will show right on time. I'm going to continue with Vitex for at least one more month. I only have two more cycles to try before I'll be leaving for Maryland until the end of March or early April. It sucks, but what can I do? I could probably use the break anyway. I feel like I've become very unstable mentally.

I actually had a pretty bad breakdown today. It wasn't really one thing that triggered it. It was a combination of things, but the root cause is this whole infertility crap. It's making me crazy. Literally. I forgot our library books today when we left and I actually burst into tears and wailed, yes...wailed, that I had forgotten them. I think the hubby was ready to have me committed right then. Luckily, he just turned around and drove back home so I could get them. To make matters worse, we were on our way to that dinner I told you about with friends. I enjoyed seeing them and the food was amazing, but I can't even begin to explain how exhausting it was.

I'm not proud of this, but it happened. I want to go to a therapist and see if maybe they can help me deal with these feelings and thoughts, but we can't afford it right now. We have new insurance and our deductible is not met. With Christmas, Peanut's birthday, her surgery deductible, and our stay in Maryland, we just can't afford it. Hopefully I can hold it together for just a few more months. I just don't know how to stop letting infertility control my life.