You know those times when you DON'T fall off the wagon?

Free-for-All Friday! That's what I would have told you yesterday was, but as of this morning it's still just Friday. In other words, I did not fall off the wagon yesterday!

I almost did though.

It was a super busy day, and that was kind of good and kind of bad for my diet. I mostly snacked on fruits and veggies throughout the day. Before I knew it, it was almost dinner time. I decided to wait for eating any large meals until the hubby came home from work, which should have been any moment at that point. He ended up getting held up at work and didn't get back into town until around 6:30 pm.

I kept waiting, wandering around the kitchen, eyeing all the bad snack foods out and about that I normally ignore.

Then, when he called to let me know he was meeting his parents at the furniture store to pick up our Christmas present to ourselves, I went ahead and started cooking. I fixed spinach and feta pierogies with mushrooms. They aren't any too awfully bad, but they are processed and have dairy in them. After they were done cooking and I had fixed my plate, the hubby and his parents pulled up. I sat my plate down and spend the next hour and a half to two hours trying to get our new couch and love seat in the house. They had to make two trips because the hubby's dad has a short wheel based truck. The mother-in-law stayed with me to help move our old couch out of the way and situate the new one.

Meanwhile, my plate of processed food sat on the counter, just waiting to load me up with guilt, bloating, and cramps.

To my surprise, and advantage, the daughter really, really liked the pierogies. And between her and the few my father-in-law had, they ended up disappearing. I ended up giving my plate to the daughter before we were all settled and done with the furniture.

I knew I was setting myself up for disaster. As the hubby made his way home and we talked over the phone I could feel myself tiptoeing around one small sentence. Stop and get something to eat. I wanted to say it so bad. Then, when the hubby said he was going to stop by Dairy Queen, I shocked myself. I told him I would fix something, despite the kitchen being a wreck and filled with furniture.

I heated up the last bit of his deer sloppy joe along with some olive oil, salt, and Italian seasoning coated zucchini that had been roasted in small slices, and a baked red potato. I fixed my plate with only the zucchini and a potato. It was gone in a blink of an eye and left me with a growling tummy still. I ended up back in the kitchen, desperate to stay away from the bad stuff. In the end, I settled on a small avocado and  a banana. I had never had a raw, plain avocado before. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I did like it. I woke up this morning thinking about the other one I have left.

Needless to say, I'm feeling extremely proud of myself. And on top of feeling totally awesome and pain free, the scale is still reading 187.5.

Homemade Toothpaste & My Favorite Spice

A few days ago I started making my own toothpaste. I mixed up some cold pressed coconut oil with equal parts baking soda. And my daughter had recently brought home this super cute little honey sample jar from her botany co-op class. It's perfect for holding the mixture. I've been using it for a few days now and while the baking soda tastes weird, it actually does a decent job. I love the super smooth, clean feeling I have afterward. And it last for so long! It's supposed to be good for allowing cavities to heal as well. I don't have any cavities so I won't be able to find out for sure, but that's pretty awesome if it does.

Also, I've been forgetting one of the most important spices that I use in my chili, on my potatoes, and well, just about anything I eat. Cayenne Pepper! I'm so addicted to this stuff. I bet I use half a tablespoon to one bowl of chili. I think it's supposed to be good for the metabolism. I'm not sure if that's true, but if it is I guess it's an added perk. I love some heat in my food. I'm also addicted to Tabasco sauce. I'm always using one or the other. The hubby always says he's going to buy me one of those jumbo, bulk size bottles of Tabasco but he never has. It would probably save us money if we did buy those.

Weight Loss...

I'm continuing to do really well with my eating. I think I've had one sugar free Werther's apple filled caramel since Friday. Other than that I've had zero processed foods. I had originally deemed Friday as my cheat day, but I don't think I'll be cheating this Friday. When I weighed myself this morning I was down to 187.5! I know weight fluctuates daily, but this is the lowest I've seen my scale in years. No way am I going to go back up. So far I'm at a total weight loss of 27.5 pounds.

TTC News...

Cd 5 today and AF is finally gone! Yay! I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday. At first, I hadn't really thought about it being two years since my miscarriage. The fact that I realized it right on the same day I ovulated during that cycle made it just a little harder.

I'm still taking one Vitex pill every morning. I'm kind of curious to see if I do ovulate right on the hubby's birthday. It would be pretty awesome to ovulate on his birthday and then get a BFP. It would truly be a birthday baby.

A girl can dream. Right?

Two Years & Torturing Myself

This is my first ultrasound photo from my pregnancy exactly two years ago this month. In fact, I ovulated on this exact day, December 11th, for that pregnancy. It was taken right around 6 weeks. Sadly, it ended in a missed miscarriage only 5 weeks later. I only had one other ultrasound before my loss and it looked basically the same. The sac measured 8 weeks, even though I was 11 weeks, and the baby was so tiny you could barely see it.

This baby would have been born on September 3, 2012. I should ovulate around December 19, which just happens to be the hubby's birthday, and if I were to somehow managed to get pregnant, the new baby would be due around the middle of September. September 11, 2014 to be exact if I do ovulate exactly on December 19th.

Over two years ago I joined a TTC board and for whatever reason I decided it would be a good idea to browse through my old threads. That's where I found this old ultrasound picture. I don't know what I was thinking. It most definitely was not a good idea.

How can two years pass after a pregnancy and then nothing? Absolutely nothing. Will I ever get back here?

CD 4 & Overcooked Fish

I told you I get fixated on certain foods for days. The hubby, on the other hand, does not. That's why I had to fix him deer sloppy joes, and more old bay fish for myself. I think our daughter has taken after me in the meal department. She has been eating chili when I do and picked fish over joes for dinner. If you're wondering what's on that potato, it's cayenne pepper. I like my baked potatoes with a little kick. Also, if you happen to notice that my fish looks a bit dry and over cooked, well, that's because it was. It still tasted good.

TTC News...

I thought I was going to get a clean break from AF, but she has returned off and on today. She's so thoughtful like that. Hopefully she'll take a hike for real in the next day or two. Other than that, still not a lot going on.

A good friend of mine found out she's having a boy today. I'm really excited for them. This is their 5th child and they were hoping for a boy since this will be their last. Even though I'm happy for her, I'm kind of sad that her pregnancy is flying by so quickly. I would've really enjoyed being bump buddies with her. I know there's still a chance, two to be exact, but the odds of that happening just doesn't seem to be in my favor. I'm grateful to have the chance to be there for her though, as much as I can since she's in Colorado and I'm in Kentucky! This makes me terribly sad by the way, as I really think we could get along well if we lived closer.

Same with all my other girls that are scattered across the US. Why must we be so far apart?!

Weight Loss News...

I think it was Friday that I weighed in at 196 pounds. Well, a lot of that must have been bloat because this morning I weighed in at 188.5! I cannot even begin to express how happy I am about being out of the 190's. I don't plan on going back either. I guess that just shows how much my endo causes me to bloat up when it becomes inflamed.

CD 3 & Old Bay Fish Dinner

On Tuesday's I have to take the hubby to work and pick him up. Me and our daughter usually have a couple of hours to kill before he gets off work. Today, we browsed around a couple stores before stopping at Kroger. I had originally planned to pick up some scallops, until I saw the price. Holy Cow! Those things are expensive. I decided those would be for another day, especially since I really don't know how to cook them or what to cook them with. For that cost I don't want to experiment!

I ended up settling on some fish fillets instead. While browsing the produce sections I found some broccoli and snow peas marked down. I grabbed a couple bags for broccoli and onion stir fry in the near future. By the time I got home I couldn't wait for the broccoli stir fry. So, that's what we had. That, and Old Bay seasoned fish fillets. The combination completely clashed, but I'm not complaining. The fish was amazing! I plan to pick up several more packs while it's on sale. It was so easy to make, too.

All I did was rub the frozen, yes, frozen, fillets with extra virgin olive oil and sprinkle both sides generously with Old Bay seasoning. I put the broiler on high, as the package instructed, and popped them in the oven. The cooked for 7-8 minutes on each side. Easy peasy!

I don't eat a whole lot of seafood, and I don't eat any type of red meat or poultry at all, but I think I could handle this fish more often. Most of the time I eat some sort of seafood when I start feeling fatigued and a migraine starts. This typically means my b12 is getting low. I take supplements, but for whatever reason, my stomach does not absorb it this way very well. Most of the time I eat seafood enough to keep my levels balanced out, so it usually isn't a problem.

TTC News...

It's only cd 3 and I think the witch is already leaving! It doesn't even look like I'll have my typical 3-4 days of spotting. However, now that I've said that, I'm sure I'll start spotting like crazy. I started Vitex back today. I'm only taking one pill a day this cycle. Hopefully I don't start spotting a week before my period this month.

CD 2 & Banana Pancakes

This morning I fixed banana pancakes for me and my daughter. I wasn't sure if she would like them, but she ended up eating six! This will probably end up being my breakfast for the next few days due to the enormous amount of bananas my husband picked up at the store. It's okay though. I'm not complaining.

These things are so easy to make. I thought about adding some unsweetened cocoa powder, but ended up just fixing them with cinnamon. I think I might give the cocoa powder a try tomorrow. I'm hoping that the banana will be enough to give the cocoa powder enough sweetness. I really don't want to add extra.

They turned out pretty yummy. The key to these things is keeping them small. Most of the time I want to start rushing things when I get down to the last bit of batter, but I restrain myself with these things. Bigger banana pancakes are not better.

I ended up making chili for dinner last night. It's so yummy.

TTC News...

Luckily, my cramps were not nearly as bad today. I have had zero pain relievers. Other than that, there's not a whole lot going on at the moment. Just waiting for AF to take a hike. I did make the mistake of browsing a pregnancy forum today. I don't know why I do it. It always leaves me in a bad place.

CD 1...Again & A Homicidal Bladder

Today is cd 1. Shocker! Guess it was pretty dumb to think that Vitex might actually help me, and that I might actually get lucky like some and get a BFP on my second month with it. Oh well, nothing to do but keep moving forward. I'm a little sad that I only have two cycles left before I leave for Maryland and I'm forced into a 3-4 month break. I think the break will be good for me though. I just can't stand the thought of losing a month. It's already been so long. I don't want to lose anymore time.

I've been paying for my dairy splurges this month. I've ended up in the tub three times, once around 5am. I've been taking ibuprofen and drinking lots of chamomile tea. Both are supposed to be anti-inflammatory. Hopefully tomorrow is a little better. This pain is a good reminder of why I decided to cut out dairy in the first place.

I haven't had any interesting meals today. Mostly leftovers. In fact, it was all leftovers, except for the baked red potato, bananas, and mandarin oranges. I'm pretty sure I'm going to make another pot of chili tomorrow. Aside from no interesting meals to share, I have to give myself a pat on the back for how well I've done. I've been craving bad foods, mostly gluten and dairy, and have stayed away.

I admit, some of my motivation is probably coming from feeling like my reproductive organs are being crushed inside my body. Or, maybe the feeling that my hips have been jammed into a vice for most of the day. Or, maybe the sharp stabbing pains up my rib cage? I'm not even sure that's endo pain? But I can sure blame it on my endo.

Speaking of endo, I think it's gotten all buddy-buddy with my bladder and they're both plotting against me. Crazy! I know! I mean, it's a bladder. Right? But it's true. I'm pretty sure my it has been trying to kill me every time I go to the bathroom.

Guess I know that it wasn't the Vitex that made the big difference in my pain last month. Which is good because this will be the last month I use Vitex if I continue to spot. I'm going to be lowering my dose to see if there is any difference. I may also stop Vitex after I ovulate. I'm not sure yet.

Just a little over two weeks until I get my spiral slicer. Then I'll have no trouble saying goodbye to gluten and hello to zucchini noodles!

Almost CD 1, Dinner & Grocery Shopping

I had a bit of a craving for pizza tonight, but I definitely did not want the pain that comes with the real stuff. So, I decided to get creative. I picked up some marked down stuffing mushrooms, the small ones, at the store today. I've had store bought pizza stuffed mushrooms before, but never made them. To make it even more complicated, mine has to be made without cheese and meat. The final product wasn't that pretty to look at, but it really wasn't that bad to eat. Next time I'll make sure to get bigger mushrooms, or more smaller ones.

Meatless Dairy-Free (almost) Pizza Stuffed Mushrooms

diced yellow onion

diced ancient sweet pepper

diced roasted red pepper

diced black olives

spinach

stuffing mushrooms

**I pre-baked the mushrooms until the water came out of them. While waiting for those I sauteed everything else in olive oil. When all of the liquid was cooked out of the veggies I dumped in a jar of pizza sauce. I let it simmer to try to reduce some of the liquid. Once that finished I intended to fill the tops and bake it a bit, however, I went a little overboard on the veggies. I ended up putting them in a small round baking pan and just dumping the veggies on top. I sprinkled it with a little Parmesan cheese and a lot of Tabasco sauce.**

I also picked up Chia Seeds at the store today. When I first learned that people were eating these, I researched for about two days to see if they were the same that came with the Chia Pets. Part of me just did not want to accept that people at those same seeds. Turns out they do though. And I got me some. I saw that you can make jelly with different fruits or use it in smoothies. I'm going to try to make a strawberry jelly. I'll let you know how it turns out.

I also picked up some cold pressed Coconut Oil. It was on sale and I've been wanting to get some for a while. The main reason I wanted to get it was to try out as a toothpaste. A good friend of mine uses it and had nothing but good things to say about it. I'm all for switching to a more natural way of living. Since finding out about my endo I've been kind of worried about the chemicals and hormones that my daughter ingests on a daily basis. I don't want her to endure the same sort of pain I do. If I can give her healthier options and perhaps prevent or lessen her chances of getting endo, or other problems related to poor choices, I will.

I know sugar is not good for endo gals, and I'm not sure if this is any different. It was on sale and I've been wanting to try it as a replacement. If the family approves it could replace the common white sugar. Truthfully, we don't use a lot of sugar in the house, but oh well. If we do, we've got an alternative now. I need to do a little research to see if it's acceptable for endo.

I was so excited to see these on sale. They go so fast in our house it's not even funny. I bet these won't even make it until next weekend. Normally we pay almost $6 for them but I was able to get them for $3.99 each! Since they're easy to peel both the hubby and daughter love them. The hubby takes at least 5 to work with him every single day.

TTC News...

It's so close to being cd 1 and I cannot wait for this cycle to be over. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous about what my pain is going to be like this month. I had a little more dairy than I should have. I've already started having pain, but I took some ibuprofen and for now that seems to be keeping it at a manageable level. However, it's cd 1-2 that's the worst and usually leave me on the verge of throwing up or passing out. Normally when I start cramping the night before I end up in the tub at some point in the night. It's not safe, but that's the only way I can get any sleep when the pain is bad.

15 DPO, Last Night's Lunch & Today's Breakfast

Last night I fixed something I haven't had in a long time. Leeks and red potatoes. It was fried, so I know it's not that great, but it has to be a little better since I used extra virgin olive oil. Or, at least I hope so. We'll just say yes. I had this along with a bowl of the veggie chili I made the other day. I had planned on freezing some of that, but I think it'll be gone before I get the chance. Between our girl and myself, it's not lasting long.

Since we live in the area that is under the winter weather advisory, I asked my hubby to grab a bunch of bananas on his way in from work. I really wanted to have some banana pancakes and didn't want to get stuck at home without them. The picture above shows what he brought home. I nearly fell over laughing when I picked up the bag. I seriously love that man. Guess I can't say he doesn't listen.

Thanks to my awesome hubby, I was able to have banana pancakes for breakfast. They're so simple to make. I just use one local farm egg, one banana, and some cinnamon. I drizzle a little honey on top instead of syrup. This time I made sure to fry them a little thinner than before. I also put paper towel on the plate I was using as I removed them from the pan. This helped to keep them from sweating and getting soggy.

Today is 15 dpo, and it should be the last day of my cycle. Thank God! I'm so over it and ready to move on. Vitex has given me a 15 day LP, but with way more spotting than normal. After AF I'm going to start Vitex back with only one pill a day this time. I'm also thinking about stopping it after I ovulate.

Yesterday I realized that I am getting ready to start active ttc cycle #29. This means it has been over 9 years all together. I can't even describe the anger, frustration, and despair I felt yesterday. I seriously would have paid money to have a few minutes alone with a glass shop. I don't know when I got on this Merry-Go-Round of extreme high's and low's, but I'm more than ready to get off. 

13 DPO & Yummy Yummy Veggie Chili

Tonight, I'm a happy, happy girl. In the days before I stopped eating meat, I often enjoyed a yummy bowl of spicy chili. Since I've jumped off the meat train, I haven't really thought much about it, until, today! I started fixing a crock-pot full of pinto beans, which I use for several different meals, and it made me think of chili. I don't know how I could have ever forgotten about this amazing dish!

Amber's Veggie Chili

1 chopped zucchini

1 can of diced tomatoes

2 cans Rotel diced tomatoes and green chilies

1 chopped yellow onion

2 chopped red sweet peppers

1 can kidney beans

about 2 cups of pinto beans

about 2-3 tbsp of chili powder

about a tbsp of cumin

**Throw everything in a pot, bring to a boil, reduce heat to simmer and cover with a lid.**

I never did get around to making another quiche today. I had some of the one I made yesterday with a salad for lunch today. It was just as good today as it was yesterday. I was kind of worried that the egg would become gross reheated. For breakfast, I ended up eating the leftover tomato and cucumber salad I made the other day along with a boiled egg. Not exactly "breakfasty" but it worked.

Today is 13 dpo and AF should be here in about two days. It sucks, but I was sorta expecting it to end this way. Ready for the witch to just get on with it so I can restart another cycle. All in all, I'm feeling okay today. I do think it's possible the chili might have a little to do with that. I shall never forget chili again. E.V.E.R.

12 DPO & A Confession

I discovered a new love today. Quiche! I don't know why I've never made this before?! I've always thought it sounded like an omelet, only eggier for some reason. It was so easy to make and wasn't eggie at all. I saw a picture while using Google and decided to just go for it. It was really simple, but I'm not really sure if I made it the "right" way. I saw a recipe once before, but it was some time ago.

Before I list what I put in it, I have to remind you that I'm not much of a measuring kind of gal when it comes to cooking. I just toss in a little of this and a little of that until I get it right. I don't do much baking, but I think if I did, I'd be terrible at it.

Veggie Quiche

chopped mushrooms

chopped red onion

chopped sweet red pepper

spinach

green onion

garlic salt (I'm out of fresh thanks to the carrots)

olive oil

4 fresh eggs

**Saute until veggies are tender (I really loaded it with veggies). Put into a small pan and pour in eggs. When I poured in the eggs I put half the veggies in, a little eggs, last of veggies, and the rest of the eggs. I did this so to make sure the eggs went all the way through since I had so much veggies. I'm not sure if this step was necessary? 

So, I have a confession. Yesterday I did really well with my meals for the day. I even took the time to make my newly found recipes. Later that night, however, I didn't do so well. In fact, I pretty much blew it all into the water.I paid for it as well. I experienced a lot of sharp pains, cramps, and bloating.

And to keep being honest, I really didn't do well today either. In fact, I had a very yummy veggie lovers pizza from Pizza Hut. And guess what?! I'm paying for that as well. Even more so than last night. My endo hates me right now. At one point I was certain it was ripping out my ovaries.

I realize that this is partly because I'm feeling really down because AF is here, yet again, and partly because I'm feeling very lost when it comes to what I can eat. Lately, it feels like I just roam around the kitchen looking for something, yet find absolutely nothing. When I can't find anything that's okay I don't want to eat anything. And that's no good because then I go hungry for a while until I just lose control.

It's okay though. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I am back up to 196 pounds, but at least I'm not back up to 200! I'm heading that way though, so to keep me motivated I joined another Dietbet today. I've already submitted my weigh in and I'll be starting tomorrow. It doesn't actually officially start until the day after tomorrow.

I think this quiche has gave me a bit of the push I needed to get back on track. I've been getting a little discourage with the lack of variety in my meals. I really need to buckle down and find some more options. I can't wait for Christmas so I can have my spiral slicer! It actually arrived today, but it's really important to the hubby that I have stuff to open on Christmas day. Waiting will just give me the time I need to find some more awesome meal options for myself.

11 DPO & New Recipe Experience

I forgot to take a picture of my plate before I started eating. Luckily, I remembered to before it was all gone. I did manage to try out those recipes that I talked about before, but I wasn't all that impressed.

This picture above was actually from my lunch today. I just threw together some red onion, white button mushrooms, olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic. Nothing fancy, but so tasty.

This is the roasted carrots and garlic recipe I wanted to try. I didn't think to get an after picture. By the time the food was finish the family was starving. No one was interested in waiting to let me take pictures. They were okay, but not really my favorite. The carrots weren't too bad, but the garlic was pretty disgusting. However, I have to admit, I may or may not have over cooked it. I've never roasted garlic before so I'm not sure. It was nice and toasty, and gross.

This was the tomato and cucumber salad I wanted to try. This, was my favorite food from tonight. I accidentally got the wrong rice vinegar, but it still turned out well. It called for seasoned and I picked up original. Guess that's what I get for being lazy and not checking on my phone. I think everyone else really enjoyed this one as well. Everyone ate a hefty helping of it and there's nearly none left.

Those little yellow circle things on my plate are polenta in case you're unfamiliar. Tonight was the first time I've had it and I wasn't too impressed. I didn't really do anything with it though. I simply sliced it in rings and fried it in olive oil. I'm not ready to give up on it though. I plan to hunt for some polenta recipes and try again soon.

TTC News...

Well, as I predicted, Aunt Flow is making her way in. The spotting has continued and I don't like it. I plan to give Vitex one more month, but if I continue to spot I'm done. I think I may take it until ovulation and then stop this month. I only have two cycles left to try before I leave home for several months with our daughter. at this point, I'm not even sure why I'm bothering. I know it's not going to happen. I don't want to give up, but I have to admit that I'm looking forward to the months I'll be away. It may not happen this way, but in my mind I imagine I'll be free from this baby depression. Free from the pain. The disappointment.

Or, at least I hope I'll be free.

11 DPO & Hunting for New Recipes

I've been browsing around looking for endofriendly recipes today. I found one HERE for roasted carrots that looks absolutely delicious! I plan to give it a try tonight. I just have to pick up the carrots first.

I'm also going to make this tomato cucumber salad recipe that I found HERE. I've never used rice wine vinegar so I'm pretty excited about that.

I think I'll also roast some random veggies and serve it with polenta. I've never had polenta and a bought a roll a few weeks ago. Guess it's time I get to using it. I'll be back with pictures to let you know how it all turns out.

9 DPO, Clean Eating, & Herbal Tea

Like my tea cup pictured above? It simply oozes fancy pants. Right? Especially sitting on that half painted half peeled table my daughter uses during school.

I think I ate very well yesterday. I ate mostly fruits and veggies. I did have lentils in my new pot of soup. I didn't take pictures though because it looked exactly like my last pot of soup, almost. This time I added in lentils, carrots, and green onions. I meant to add in leeks and celery but I completely forgot. It's okay though. I think I'm going to make some leeks and red potatoes later. I love the mild onion flavor that leeks have, especially in potatoes.

Spotting started today already. I'm going to give Vitex one more cycle, and if I continue to spot this early I'm going to stop it. I think I'm going to reduce my dose down to one pill a day instead of two. I'm pretty sure it's why I ovulated on cd 12. Either way, this cycle's a bust and I'm ready to move on.

8 DPO, Awesome Veggie Soup & Whine...I mean...Wine

I wanted to post this last night, but my dog decided to eat my last charger cord while we were out and about. My phone died shortly after dinner and before I got my pictures uploaded here. Lovely, right? And it's only taken 8 to get me to move it away from the side of my bed. My lovely hubby is ordering me a few more chargers, but for now I'm borrowing a spare that belongs to my MIL

So, several weeks ago I made a pasta recipe that I absolutely loved. I'm trying really hard to get rid of pasta, but it's so hard cause I really love that stuff. I asked Santa for a spiral slicer for Christmas! I'm hoping zucchini noodles will help, but until then, I'm trying to figure out an alternative. I tried with brown rice, but it wasn't all that wonderful. Seemed like it was missing something. That something being my wonderful, soft, delicious pasta :(

Then, I came up with what's pictured above. It's a new spin on an old dish. Vegetable Soup. Normally I make it with tomato juice and your common mixed veggies. You know. The ones that come in the can labeled mixed vegetables. Corn. Peas. Green beans. Yada Yada. Yeah, it's like that, but only different. Instead of tomato juice I used organic veggie broth. Instead of canned mixed veggies I used fresh zucchini, squash, tomatoes, red onion, and raw spinach. Added in a little sea salt and a heap of Italian seasoning and Tada! A equally tasty veggie soup :)

I didn't make a huge batch, but next time I plan to make enough that I can freeze lots and lots of servings. I also plan to put in more raw spinach. I wasn't sure how it would work but it turned out really well. Spinach is supposed to be really good for endo since it's high in vitamin k.

Oh yeah, I forgot that I had mushrooms in there as well :) It was all so delicious. Excuse my poor photography. These pictures do absolutely no justice for this delicious bowl of veggie soup. The hubby doesn't even like soup but he really seemed to enjoy this one. He kept trying to eat all of mine!

Along with that for dinner last night, I had a glass of organic chamomile with lemon herbal tea. I'm pretty sure I read something somewhere that said chamomile is good for endo. I should probably do a a little research on it to be sure. Anyway, I added in a teaspoon of honey and enjoyed. My goal is to have at least one herbal tea a day.

So, all that good stuff was from yesterday. Today is a slightly different story. We were asked to go out to dinner with some friends. We went to this great little Italian restaurant about an hour away. Yes. An hour. It was sooooo worth it. I had pan seared scallops with bowtie pasta and a cream sauce. It was so delicious, and so bad for me at the same time. I can't remember exactly what the sauce was called, but I'm pretty sure it had milk in it. It was so good though.

After dinner we came back home for some much needed down time after spending time with friends, family, and doing a little shopping the past few days. Alcohol isn't great for endo, but the hubby bought me a bottle of my favorite blackberry wine. I was a good girl though and only had one glass. However I did have a glass of mulled wine as well.

Today is 8 dpo, technically 9 dpo since it's 12:15am  now, and I'm pretty sure I'm out. I know there is no way to be 100% sure, but watch and see, AF will show right on time. I'm going to continue with Vitex for at least one more month. I only have two more cycles to try before I'll be leaving for Maryland until the end of March or early April. It sucks, but what can I do? I could probably use the break anyway. I feel like I've become very unstable mentally.

I actually had a pretty bad breakdown today. It wasn't really one thing that triggered it. It was a combination of things, but the root cause is this whole infertility crap. It's making me crazy. Literally. I forgot our library books today when we left and I actually burst into tears and wailed, yes...wailed, that I had forgotten them. I think the hubby was ready to have me committed right then. Luckily, he just turned around and drove back home so I could get them. To make matters worse, we were on our way to that dinner I told you about with friends. I enjoyed seeing them and the food was amazing, but I can't even begin to explain how exhausting it was.

I'm not proud of this, but it happened. I want to go to a therapist and see if maybe they can help me deal with these feelings and thoughts, but we can't afford it right now. We have new insurance and our deductible is not met. With Christmas, Peanut's birthday, her surgery deductible, and our stay in Maryland, we just can't afford it. Hopefully I can hold it together for just a few more months. I just don't know how to stop letting infertility control my life.

CD 5 & Wal-Marts Devil Bakery

So, as you can tell from the photo above, I wasn't exactly a good girl today. In fact, I've had at least one thing I shouldn't nearly day since I've been MIA. Now, before I go on, I should tell you that I did not eat all of them. Although I could have, easily! I had one and a half, and it was so yummy.

I'm blaming the holidays. We've had a dinner every weekend for the past couple weeks. It's har to control what others make, and there's no way I would feel comfortable requesting my own special food. I did good at keeping my plate on the lighter side. The weekend dinners really weren't so bad, it was the leftovers that came back with us that made the weeks difficult.

I guess the good news is that I haven't gone up in weight. As of this morning I am at 191.5.

This morning I actually started off eating well. I had a leftover veggie stuffed pepper. Not exactly breakfasty but it was pretty good! Since I had the doughnuts I decided to have a salad and a small bowl of lentil soup for dinner.

I should have put those doughnuts in the cabinet! 

On to the ttc news...

I'm 5 dpo today and have nothing spectacular to report. I've been reading a lot about an herb called dong quai and I'm considering adding it to my vitex and vitamins. I want to do a little more reading about before I dive in head first.

I joined a ttc with endo group on Facebook the other day. It's kind of nice to have other girls going through a similar experience as myself. I just got around to introducing myself today.

Come on universe! Let this be the month!

CD 10 & Roasted Mushrooms, Grape Tomatoes, and Red Onions

Life kind of took over after my last post so I'm late to update, but I didn't do too horrible after our early Thanksgiving meal. I stayed at 192. Yay! I had a bit of the leftovers the next day, but I've been back on track since.

I'm still on a mushroom kick and wanted to try something different. Today, I decided to toss some in a pan with grape tomatoes and chopped red onion. Sprinkled in a little salt, pepper, garlic powder, and Italian seasons and stuck it in the oven. I let it all bake for about 30 - 45 minutes. I'm not really sure? I checked occasionally and pulled it out when it looked like it does in the picture above. It was actually pretty yummy. That ended up being my entire lunch. I think I used a little too much red onion though. It was a little more sweet than I would have preferred.

Today's cd 10 and there's not a whole lot going on. Still taking Vitex every morning. So far I'm not having any pains throughout the day. I'm anxious to see what my pain levels are like when AF arrives this month. Hopefully it'll be a repeat of last month. My temp from yesterday really freaked me out. It wasn't really higher than my highest temps, but it sure was dramatic. I was glad to see it back down this morning. An early O would be nice, but not that early.

Of course, getting a BFP instead of AF would be so much better than having a not so painful I want to die AF.

CD 7 & Recovering From Early Thanksgiving Dinner

I'm sorry to report that you won't be seeing any updates on my meals from yesterday. I did horrible! And paid for it with pain and bloating. I had planned on taking a picture of the table loaded with cheese and butter, but I totally forgot. Well, it wasn't really loaded with cheese and butter only, but that's what killed me later. I'll be checking my weight in the morning to see how much weight I gained. Hopefully not much.

Today is CD 7 and I'm so ready for it to be O time. I'm anxious to see if a full cycle of Vitex brings me any luck. A friend of mine is using Vitex as well to try to help with her PCOS. She said AF came a few days ago for the first time in months. I hope it helps her get pregnant. Her youngest is 8 years old so it's been a while.

Today has been a pretty down kind of day. I even found myself fighting back tears a few times. It didn't help matters any that we had my niece and nephew with us early today and then spend the rest of the day with friends. I just needed some quite down time, but that just wasn't going to happen today. I've been so snappy and irritable all day despite knowing the problem and that I shouldn't be this way.

The worst part is that the hubby is now irritated with me because of my short fuse, and I can't even tell him what my problem is, which makes it even worse. If I do, he won't touch me for a week thinking he's protecting me from getting hurt. Funny thing is, protecting me from being hurt is the last thing ending our efforts of TTC will do. I don't know how I would cope if he told me he didn't want to try anymore.

I'm just ready for this day to be over.

CD 5 & A Paleo Breakfast

While I was trying to find recipes that are endofriendly last night I came across a recipe I've seen fairly often. It's the Paleo Banana Pancakes. This isn't exactly 100% endofriendly because we're not supposed to have eggs. A friend from where the hubby works brought us some fresh eggs from their chickens and I had to have one. I've read that some people are able to have eggs if they don't have an allergy to them. I haven't had any for over a month so I guess this will be a little experiment to see what happens.

At first I was a little worried about how they would cook up and flip. I read that you should let it cook for a while before trying to flip, so I did. It surprisingly turned out pretty well. It was super easy to flip and looked great. I let the last one cook a little too long. Oops. 

They weren't my favorite breakfast, but they weren't bad. I actually liked the first one I made better. I know that sounds weird, but I made it thinner than the rest and I think that made the difference. It wasn't nearly as eggie as the other two. After the first one was done I was over it and ready for them to be on my plate. So, I rushed it by pouring more out. If you decide to try this, I suggest nice, thin banana cakes.

It's the same as what you find all over the web. A banana smashed with an egg, only I added some cinnamon in mine.

CD 4 & My Experimental Lunch

I had such good results with nearly eliminating dairy that I've decided to get rid of white pasta as well. I happen to have brown rice so I figured I'd try to throw together some meals with that before I go shopping for new stuff. Food can be expensive, especially the good, healthy, organic stuff, so I can't bring myself to just toss anything. Once it's gone I'll be buying better stuff all the time.

I tossed some shredded carrots, diced bell peppers, 2 red onions chopped, and a can of diced tomatoes into a pan with olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic. It's pretty much the same way I do my vegetables for my noodle meals. This time, however, I just switched out the noodles for brown rice.

My original intentions were to add in some kale at the last minute, but I totally forgot. I'm glad I did though, because I just cooked it up in a little olive oil with a some garlic, salt, and pepper, and OMG it's so yummy! I don't think I would have liked it in the rice stuff though. I do think this is more than likely going to replace my greens. I'm even excited to try the kale chips I've seen online before.

The rice dish was okay, but not my favorite. It's not so bad that I need to toss it, but it seems like it needs something. I'm not sure what though? I'm not even going to bother trying to feed it to the hubby. I already know he'll hate it. He never has been a fan of rice.

And this is it. My lunch. Not nearly as pretty as yesterday's lunch, but it served its purpose well. I think this is actually a better endofriendly meal than the others I've posted. I'm still learning, but I think the only thing that isn't really that great for endo is the canned tomatoes. Maybe not though?

Since I'm not going to bother with feeding any of this to the hubby, I went ahead and divided it into one cup portions. I'm letting them cool down a bit and then they'll be heading to the freezer. I was able to get 8 servings out of this. It's not that awesome, but it'll feed me for 8 meals. I have no idea how well rice will freeze so I'll let you know on that.

Today is CD 4 and there's not a whole lot going on. I'm continuing with Vitex today, as I will until AF arrives. I've been super tired the last couple of days and I'm sure it's due to AF and hormones. Hoping my energy levels pick up a little soon.

Still CD 3 & Lunch

So, to be truthful, not much has happened since breakfast, but my lunch looked so awesome I wanted to share :)

I fixed the pasta (not gluten free) about a week ago. The hubby hates leftovers so I've been measuring out a serving size and freezing it in baggies. I was actually able to have this for lunch for over a week. I'm down to one serving now though :(

Anyway, I cooked some white mushrooms in a little olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic. Yum! I'm addicted.

I had the Italian Blend Dole salad with Maple Grove Fat Free Balsamic Vinaigerette. I realize that the Fat Free stuff isn't really good for you, but I don't like the idea of just tossing it and I'm the only one that eats it. Once it's gone I'll be buying regular. It is Gluten Free though :D

As I was fixing my plate I realized that I had decided to do so right in front of my daughters Halloween candy and her box of cookie packs. I'm proud to say I didn't even sample the smallest crumb! Can't say I didn't think about it though.

I don't normally leave snack foods sitting out on the counter like this, but for whatever reason this stuff doesn't bother me.

The picture below is upside down and I'm too lazy to fix it, but I wanted to show you my frozen pasta.

It actually freezes and thaws really well. It doesn't change the consistency of the noodles at all. In case you're curious, here is the recipe for the pasta...

2 zucchini chopped

2 squash chopped

1 medium red onion chopped

2 bell peppers chopped (I used whatever color I had)

I fried everything above in a little olive oil with salt, pepper, and a decent amount Italian seasoning. Once everything was soft I added a can of diced tomatoes. After boiling my noodles and draining them, I simply mixed it all together. It's so yummy and easy. Next time I'll be adding fresh spinach. I don't really measure anything so I'm not 100% on the spices.